This past week we celebrated my second-born son, Nehemiah’s 18th birthday! They say the days are long, but the years are short. Boy, do I certainly feel that now as I am parenting two out of my three kids in an adult space. I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting and have become very intentional about making sure I enjoy every moment while giving my children an autonomous space to navigate their independence.
As a parent we go through many stages and are evolving alongside our children. Now that my two boys are grown, I have to switch my focus to listening and helping them with autonomous decision making, reminding them to think things through and cheering them on when they make independent choices of their own. It’s important to help them build their confidence and remind them that their decisions are just as sound as mine.
SET UP FOR SUCCESS
As a mother, our core purpose is deeply rooted in nurturing, supporting and being there for our children every step of the way. However, as they near adulthood, it is pertinent to prioritize finding a new balance and remembering to slowly wean ourselves and LET GO. I know that seems like one of the scariest things to do, but remember we’ve already been practicing it for the last 18 years. The simple things like encouraging your child to walk, feed themselves, go to school, play team sports, do their homework, study for tests and apologize when making a mistake all lead towards independence and adulthood. Through all of these stages, you have been fostering their independence. Now, at this critical launching point of pre-adulthood, you may hinder your kids if you don’t let them fly. Independence and confidence in themselves is the most useful and powerful gift you can give them and it starts way before they leave the nest.
KEEPING YOUR SENSE OF SELF OUTSIDE OF MOTHERHOOD
I truly enjoyed staying home with my kids. I knew there was no one that could do a better job with my kids than me. It was such an honor and a privilege raising all three of them. Yes, I had my tough moments like any mother does, but we had FUN! That was so important to me. It wasn’t until my oldest was in high school that I considered working again. It’s been five years now and I enjoy working and trusting my kids to make wise decisions while giving them the space to make mistakes and find growth in those mistakes.
For some moms, so much of our identity is tied up in the things they do for their family. It can be so easy to lose oneself and get wrapped up in your kids. When this happens, you suffer as an individual, you stifle your kids and your marriage can suffer as well if your focus is one sided. When the kids leave (which they will) you have your partner and if you haven’t put in the date nights, long conversations and quality time with your partner, you are in for a rude awakening! Also, if you don’t have a partner and have neglected that part of your life, there will be a huge void you will have to begin working on. We all need connection outside of our children.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
There are no awards in motherhood! You can do everything right, and your kids may still struggle. You can also make mistakes and they will still flourish on their own. The journey is different for everyone and you have to do what is best for you, your family and your children. Encouraging them to be their best selves by cutting the cord and allowing both of you to be the best versions of yourselves benefits everyone. Motherhood is the most challenging and most rewarding job there is. Just remember that you matter just as much as they do. Let go and let God!! He hears all of our prayers, we just have to trust Him! May God bless you and your beautiful family in the new chapter of navigating adulthood with your children!
With Love,
AB
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